Watch Your Words

The Power of Liturgical Spirituality (Part 3)

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WORDS HAVE POWER

In January 2021, Amanda Gorman, then only twenty-two years old, moved the world when she recited her poem The Hill We Climb. If there was ever any doubt that words have power, her impassioned presentation removed it. To a world wrestling with despair and division, she spoke hope and connection into being. To a global society of inequality, she proclaimed justice. Her poetry may not have changed laws or miraculously ushered in a golden era of unity and mutual care, but for a moment, it embodied, in an almost tangible way, the longings and dreams of a generation.

As anyone who has been on the wrong side of a rumour or on the receiving end of an insult knows, words have power. The old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” has been proven false time after time. Words can abuse and break down as much as they can affirm and build up. Words can curse or bless, harm or heal, inspire or discourage. The right word can launch us to the heights of joy — “Yes! I will marry you!” — or throw us into the depths of despair — “You’re fired!”

The acquisition of language is one of the most significant developments in human evolution. As Kevin Kelly states, “No transition has affected our species, or the world at large, more than the creation of language¹.” The words we use play a profound role in how we perceive and interpret our environment, and can literally bring about changes in our neurology.² The words we choose, and how we choose to use them, carry remarkable weight; they do far more than simply pass on information. Our language creates the vision, the story, into which we seek to live and shapes what we think, how we feel, and how we relate to ourselves, others, and our world.³

In 1974, two psychologists, Elizabeth Loftus and John Palmer, published the findings of two experiments that explored the connection between language and memory.⁴ In the first, participants were asked to estimate the speeds of vehicles that were involved in a collision. The question, “About how fast were the cars going when they hit each other?” was worded differently for different groups, with the word “hit” being replaced for some participants with “collided”, “bumped”, “contacted”, or “smashed”. When the question described the vehicles as ”smashing” into each other, the subjects tended to estimate the speeds significantly higher than when the question used one of the other words. And when they were asked a week later whether they had seen any broken glass in the collisions, they were more likely to reply in the affirmative, even though no broken glass had been present in the film they had seen.

In describing what he calls ‘linguistic intelligence’, Howard Gardner explores four uses of language. The first is the rhetorical aspect, which is our ability to use language to convince other people of some idea or course of action.⁵ As we have witnessed in the recent US Presidential election, the words do not have to be true to convince us. They simply need to be well chosen, well presented, and repeated often. This is the reason why it is crucial that we learn to be more careful, intentional, and critical in our use of words — both in communication with others and in our internal self talk.

THE LOVE OF WORDS

I confess that I have always loved words. One of the reasons I have always included writing in my work, is that I draw immense pleasure from finding the perfect word and placing it in a beautifully constructed sentence. As frustrating as this quest can be, when I manage to accomplish it, it feels miraculous. I have often been moved to laughter or tears by the beauty and profundity of another writer’s words and I know that my thinking, values, and habits have grown, at least in part, out of the words that have shaped me. I also know that there are some words that others have spoken to me or about me that continue to haunt me and undermine my sense of worth.

But as I have learned to be more intentional about which words I choose to use and how I employ them, I have discovered how transforming language can be. When I face times of difficulty, I can choose words that make the situation feel more threatening and hopeless, or I can choose words that help me put things into perspective and that open me to possibilities and solutions. When I face moments of success or when I am complimented, I can choose language that minimises my achievement or that dismisses the affirmations of others, or I can decide to speak and think in ways that integrate the affirmation into my story and that help me to celebrate. When people around me insist on ‘catastrophising’ situations, I can recognise that I have the power to choose a different narrative.

Most of us have a personal vocabulary — a set of words that we use often and that form the basis of our thinking and communication. It can be very enlightening to identify our key words and evaluate how much they speak the truth about ourselves, our neighbours, and our world. We can measure the extent to which they are an accurate reflection of how we want to engage with the world and the beliefs that we really want to embrace. And if we find ourselves shocked or disturbed by our chosen vocabulary we can make deliberate changes and create a new way of speaking and thinking. It takes time, but we can manage our words and thoughts to enrich our lives and relationships. This is another aspect of the work of conscious evolution.

Have you ever been in a heated argument with a loved one only to discover later that you were both saying the same thing, but you defined the words you were using differently? How easy it is to find clarity and common ground when we’ve agreed on what the key words mean for us. This simple example demonstrates how being intentional about our words can make a huge difference to our lives and relationships. As we explore living intentionally, being more conscious and deliberate with our words can be a small but powerful area of our lives to consider.

THREE LANGUAGES

In his book, Dialogue and the art of thinking together, William Isaacs describes three different languages⁶ that are used in our conversations with each other (and even with ourselves). The first is the language of meaning, in which we focus on ideas, values, and theory. In this way of speaking, we seek clear principles and our communication is focussed on trying to understand. The second is the language of feeling, in which we focus on the heart, on relationships, and on how we and others feel. In this language, we seek to connect and to take care of everyone involved. Finally, the third language is that of power or action. This is a highly solutions-focussed language that seeks to get things done without worrying about feelings or conceptualising. As Issacs notes, “These are in fact truly different languages: Communication across them carries the same difficulties that translation between any two languages carries.”

The language we use is deeply influenced by our upbringing and environment. But it also exerts a strong influence on our world, or at least on our understanding and experience of it. Our chosen language often blinds us to certain experiences⁷ and shapes how we move through our lives. Where Western languages tend to be based on nouns, which can reduce everything to an object and leave us trapped in classifications and analysis, other languages can have a completely different effect. For example, as William Isaacs explains, in the indigenous North American Micmac language, there is no word for tree. Rather, the language identifies different trees by the sounds the wind makes when it blows through their leaves. This language is based on verbs and is therefore more motion-based and aware of the connections between all things.

In a similar way, the languages of meaning, feeling, and power all exert different influences on us and shape how we engage with our world in different ways. While we all tend to emphasise one of these languages, we also move between them, at least to some extent. Learning to become more fluent in all three languages can be a deeply transforming practice. If it is true that our perspectives are influenced by our language, switching to a different language can open our eyes to experiences and realities that were previously hidden to us. Art can also help us to communicate more fluently and effectively with those around us — which then opens us to the experiences and insights of the other person.